ishhell

im actually happy. this is so awesome. i may still be apathetic in school-- but the moment I get home, the moment those mandatory responsibilities are done, you'll find me in montana. i did one of those speed challenges yesterday? in far cry there are random vehicle challenges throughout the game where you're greeted with the most exaggerated, hysterical image of an American flag and eagle. you also have to do a ridiculous stunt challenge, one being driving with your car on fire. this game is so ridiculously stupid. I am having the time of my life!!
far cry is STUPID, but it tries, and it's serious, and OH MY GOD STACI PRATT!! IM GONNA SAVE YOU STACI!!! HOLD OUT FOR A LITTLE LONGER!! he's literally me. i promise you'll be ok buddy!!
maybe along the way someone will try to save me, too.

hey guys! this is gonna be a little short since I have to finish up some history questions, but i'm actually feeling really happy rn! my far cry 5 adventures have been glorious! i am going to Destroy john seed in my quest to complete this game. him and faith are but simple obstacles on my way to SAVE STACI PRATT!! god im so excited to see my favorite wet cat man
far cry 5 somehow has given me the ability to. feel? again? the past two days the hour or so I've spent has, embarrassingly, become one of my favorite hours of my life. playing it on call with a few friends made me feel like. a person. somehow. i really like that I think it should happen more often
shout-out to deputy staci pratt for making me feel like an actual human being again this man was the far cry 5 gateway and i'm having so much fun!! will update you guys on my game progress sporadically!

ship in a bottle
Tap on the glass.
They’ll find me lost among rudders and sails,
Watching concentrations of grime form into barnacles
And find waves crashing on wood.
The crew’s long gone–
Realizing their captain was just as clueless.
How does it feel,
To sleep on the cabin floor,
To curl up among frost,
And feel no warmth beside you?
How does it feel to wander the deck
And hear no chatter amongst your men?
Without a first mate or boatswain,
Searching for a whale without a man by your side.
Someone is going to take off the cork one day.
And they won’t find me at first,
But if they look closer,
They’ll find what’s left of me,
Alone at the bottom of a trench,
Laughing to myself with the words of others
I jotted down for later use,
False shells made of ink I’ve given names.
Because it’s so much easier
To dwell on memories
Than to leave the bottle
And feel the sun on my skin.

The taste of loneliness goes down easier than oxygen. I’ve gotten an addiction to drowning.
I’m sorry.
I should have done better.
the reason i’m afraid to resurface
is that they’ve already found out how to go on without me
and maybe, just maybe, they never needed me in the first place.
so i’ll drift away from this body,
live out each day in my own bottle,
and learn how to talk to the man in the mirror.

sorry for no post yesterday. was busy seeing cousins ! finally home today, here’s how it went:
my cousin is a limbus fan! she ships ishdon like me!! i’ve never been so happy to go to a family reunion. there was someone who actually got what i was saying and KNEW WHO ISHMAEL WAS!! insane !!
my other cousin did not know who ishmael was but she did show me gnarp gnarp gifs which was very appreciated (i love alien gnarp gnarp)
no weird philosophical shit today, i’m just happy to be understood and accepted. i went for a walk in the cold with them and their dog and it was cold. i watched the sun fall across the sky shivering in a sweater because i was too cowardly to put on a jacket. so, as the sky melted into a shade of deep red, i found myself worrying my fingers would freeze off after seeing the 5th image of an alien cat.
today was a good day . 10/10 moment very cool!

ive been thinking about this one radio station website i saw a few months ago. it was a radio station perched at the very top of the world, rasping lovely songs amidst the frost and terrible snow. i wonder how it can persist up there, observing the polar twilight and listening to the wind for messages. i dont know if its really up there, but i'd like to think it is. imagining the beautiful, somehow full sound persisting despite the snow trying to smother it gives me hope.

here's the site, have fun!

today's been a day.... and it's not even done... auuugh . time is like a shifting entity, a creature, a pile of sand that keeps slipping through my fingers. i blink and it's the end. i blink and a second has passed. my memory has a sliiiight tendency to slip somewhere else and Not tell me important stuff. today has been a strange whirlwind of activity, and here i stand, with leaves in my hair and a broken pencil in my hand. we were doing so well five seconds ago. auuuuuuugh ..... i need sleep.... SO excited to nap

thanksgiving give me strength!! excited to see family in two days, gonna be pretty cool as i havent seen a few cousins of mine in a few years. its gonna be cool to reunite with them (even if it might be a bit awkward). i WILL show them pictures of ishmael from limbus company (i am insane)

hi hi hi im ishmael and this is my first post to this blog :) im a little writer guy and im funky,,,, im really excited to be here and post random stuff !! glad to be here :3